I have come to the recent realization that one of the general sources of frustration and anger in our lives is unmet expectation. I experienced this rather early in life, though I’m not certain that I learned it until much later. When I was a young lad, during that period of early childhood that runs together as fragments of nondescript memories that are not completely anchored in continuity or time, my family and I took our first trip to Disney World.
My two older brothers understood the significance of such a trip. They had, no doubt seen a few commercials, talked about the happiest place on earth with their friends, and generally bought in to the hype that was built up for them around this place of unbridled excitement and joy. I, on the other hand, knew that we were taking a family vacation. We had done that before. We’ve gone to the beach, or we’ve gone camping, or we’ve even driven through the mountains and stopped at antique stores and roadside markets. Family vacations were cool, I guess, and my young brain expected no more than that.
My mother told me frequently of our reactions afterward. As she told it, my brothers were rather nonplussed about the whole experience. How can any place, no matter how fantastic, live up to all that hype and such high expectations? “Ehh,” they would say, “It was OK.” I, on the other hand, was blown away. This place was awesome! They had great rides and shows, and characters, and those big gondola things that fly over the park so you can look down from like a thousand feet up, and great food, and all that great stuff from those amazing movies, and… Well, you get the idea. I had gone to Disney World with no expectations. I met everything that Walt and his team of Imagineers designed on its own terms. Though I did so simply because I knew no differently, I let Disney World be what Disney World was and not what I expected it to be. As a result, it amazed me.
The problem, I have come to realize, it that we expect too much. By this, I do not mean that our expectations are too high. When expectations are held, they should be held to a high standard. We should definitely strive for and expect excellence. What I mean is that we expect too often; we hold expectations of too many things and in too many situations, and of virtually everyone we encounter. We are causing ourselves a great deal of disappointment and frustration in the process.
We are better off taking life as it comes and taking people as they are. It’s the bit about people that is often the toughest for us, too. I have heard people say, “It is what it is,” as a way to remind themselves of what they can’t change. “It is what it is,” they will say, and then they either move on to discuss what they will do in light of this reality, or let it go and concentrate on the things in life that they can change.
It makes great sense. Maybe we should expand that notion and start to say more phrases like it. He is who he is. She is who she is. They are who they are. In the end, I am only responsible for the things that I think, say, do, feel, and believe. That’s it.